I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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