i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
