I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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