He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
