You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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