the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it because I queefed?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
