dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
