3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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