I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
