you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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