You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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