You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
