You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My dick has a subreddit
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
