you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
