I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
