and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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