I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
