just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
