He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
