dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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