I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
