you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
