i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
