I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
