Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
