if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
