Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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