Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
