Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
