Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
