remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When are your genitals available?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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