Swine flu. Run for my life!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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