So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
