To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
