i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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