ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
