i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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