you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
