I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We need to get me chipped asap
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
