I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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