Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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