Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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