best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
