I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
and you fell through a lawn chair
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
