i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
