Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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