im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
