when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
