my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
