I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I woke up under a house in Key West
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
