dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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