i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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