I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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