at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
