When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
