Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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