Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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