yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
