they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
