well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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