it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
