when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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