I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring