Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?