hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
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He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.