The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Randomize
