She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.