Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.