I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Drake has all the answers
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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