Sponge bath it is.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
