My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
