I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
