I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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