I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
