The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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