i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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