well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
