Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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