I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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